Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
