I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
