Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
