If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
