I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
pray to the hookup gods
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