Do you still have your period?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
