i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am available for nakedness
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