the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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