Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
