we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
