My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
