You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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