i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
