Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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