Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
