i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
