Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
