Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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