Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
