Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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