I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize