he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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