: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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