Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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