no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
