I'm going to jail i love you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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