umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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