Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
