Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
