you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
