just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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