Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
