So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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