the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
