you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
