My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
be right there i have to get my cape
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
