I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
