nut hugger
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
