I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
