This is not my ceiling
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
