I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
