i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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