How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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