So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
