I am puke
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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