wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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