I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
