even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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