I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
