Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
