That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
