I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
