I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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