so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
