sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
two words: eviction party
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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