What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
