Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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