i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
