also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
