If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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