just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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