We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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