Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
