Sry I called you an 8
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
not ubering you a puppy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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