if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
