Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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