so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
