matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
