I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I AM VODKA MAN
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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