hell yes lets make some ravioli
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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