Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
