She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
