I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
