Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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