he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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