I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
