I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize