Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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