Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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