Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
