I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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