I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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