i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
