Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
