Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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