if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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