Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
