That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
